We all handle grief, especially the lost of a loved one, differently. The most unfortunate thing about this is we are hampered by others telling us we should do this or that. I had one friend who, after he father died, started receiving emails telling her to get on with life, others sent her jokes. When you are in a crisis like this all of us should remember that it is a crisis. We should be willing to be there for them, but we shouldn't tell them to get over it or try to make light of things.
Okay, that was free. We see Irene and Matt Moore both handling things differently in the wake of the death of their sons. Irene wants to create a deep pit in her soul and shove all their memories into it and cover it over with a lid. New events crop up to bring these events, not just to the surface, but make them seem new and fresh. It is as if she's going through those events all over again. Matt tries to numb himself against the feelings, to get lost in work and try to forget the pain, hoping that some day it will pass. Only he also finds new events ripping away the numbness and bringing past events into sharp focus, too sharp for him to bear.
The two people I mentioned in previous posts, Jerry and Billy, are the ones who are responsible for many of these new events. Unknowingly they become a link to the pain of the past for Mr. and Mrs. Moore. Jerry causes his own set of problems, while Billy, well, let's just say that he is a constant reminder. He really doesn't have to do anything but be there for the pain to well up in the Moores.
If any of you have gone through this kind of pain I think you'll realize some similarities in your own life. It's as I said in the first 2 posts, you can't run from this pain. You have to allow yourself time, find God in this somewhere, and let Him lead you through it. In many instances God will have to force Himself on you. That's not saying He will force you to do something, but He will force you to recognize that He is the only One who understands your torment and He is the only One who has the power to get you through this. You can, even then, reject Him, but doing so will only multiply your grief. The quicker you surrender to God, the quicker He will be able to heal the pain and guide you through that "fog" of grief. Like an old song says, "Jesus is the answer." It's true. Now most people are going to think in the physical realm, but if we would stop and remind ourselves that this is something spiritual we are going through, then we will come to understand that Jesus is always the answer. For death, Jesus is our life. For grief, He is our comfort. For weakness, He is our refuge. Take any situation you have going on in your life, turn the question into a spiritual question and you will find that Jesus is your answer.
Okay, I said it wasn't right to tell people how to handle grief, and now I seem to be doing that very thing. That's not totally correct. I am teaching here and there are two sides to this. First, everyone is different, and as wrong as some of the ways they may choose to grieve they must grieve according to their way. Second, however, is that there is an answer. I would be remiss if I didn't mention where people could go for comfort. It's the timing, more than anything else, that will make an individual's choice different from another's. All I'm saying is that it is in your power to decide whether you want to have a lengthy period of grief or a short one.
I'll mention one other aspect tomorrow, something that needs to be said. So stay tuned.
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Friday, September 10, 2010